This blog follows our message on Sunday around Pornography. You can listen in on the podcast.
9 Two are better than one,
because they have a good return for their labor:
10 If either of them falls down,
one can help the other up.
But pity anyone who falls
and has no one to help them up.
11 Also, if two lie down together, they will keep warm.
But how can one keep warm alone?
12 Though one may be overpowered,
two can defend themselves.
A cord of three strands is not quickly broken.
Everything works better when we work together. So, when it comes to fighting back against a habitual pattern of porn use, lets listen to the wisdom of the bible and work on it together.
The breeding place of sin and shame is silence and secrecy. If you want to see the power of porn broken in your life, it’s time to get accountable.
Firstly, find a person you trust and have the difficult conversation. It might feel like the hardest words you’ve ever spoken. But once they’re out, the power they have over you will be so much less. Talk to someone you trust.
And consider downloading some really practical accountability software (like covenant eyes https://www.covenanteyes.com) for your devices. Accountability won’t immediately beat your habitual use of porn, but it will make the journey so much easier.
If you tore your Achilles’ tendon you’d go to physio. You’d know you have a weakness in your body that you need to make strong. And that probably, you could do with someone helping you figure out the right stretches and the right exercises to get you there. I hope you wouldn’t just pop on your trainers, head out the front door and attempt to run round the park for a while in the hopes that would get you better. That’s a sure fire way to be struggling for a long time.
If you’ve been struggling with porn, don’t think you have to figure the way out of this on your own. There are a lot of really good resources out there to help you kick the habit.
Why not check out Click to Kick (http://clicktokick.com) from the Naked Truth Project. It’s confidential, evidence based and supportive.
Or if you’re under 18, check out the Fortify programme (https://www.joinfortify.com) from Fight the New Drug.
Turn to a porn addiction physio. Let them help you kick this habit.
It’s possible you’ll have days where you take steps backwards and things don’t go well, that’s not a sign that you’re not going to make it, that God isn’t big enough, or that you’re not forgiven. The cross is big enough even for your bad days.
The slow faltering walk to freedom is a sign that while justification (God declaring us as forgiven) is instant, sanctification (everything about us starting to look like that) is a longer process.
Keep going back to the cross, keep going back to God, and keep going back to your community of support. One day you will be free of this.
A word to the partners
Hi. This may have been a seriously rubbish few days for you. We are so sorry. We love you. Finding out that porn has been a hidden part of your relationship can be awful. There’s a whole world of things you may be thinking and feeling right now and that’s OK. We don’t want you to have to go this alone either.
Firstly, please reach out to someone you trust. We want to be walking with you right now.
We know you might also want some support from outside our community It might help to connect with others who have walked this same path.
Naked Truth Project have a Partners programme, Wholehearted (http://thenakedtruthproject.com/wholehearted/landing), specifically developed for those who discover that pornography is something their partner has been using and struggling with.
And XXXchurch have a whole section of their site devoted to you. https://www.xxxchurch.com/get-help/porn-addiction-help-for-spouses
You are not alone in this.
Finally, a word to parents
I’m the parent of a 14 month old, I can’t even begin to imagine a world where I might have to tackle the issues of porn with her. She’s so small, so innocent. I imagine that’s the same thing you still see when you look at your kids.
So, maybe it’s a big shock to the system to realise that the issue of porn is something you need to start engaging with your kids. (And maybe you’re realising that you should have been engaging with this for a while now).
Why not team up with some other parent friends to think, chat and pray about how you could go about this? (Trying of course to maintain a level of appropriate privacy and trust for your kids)
Any why not check out this resource to help you get your head round it all: https://www.youthscape.co.uk/store/product/inappropriate-content
There is life beyond porn use. Together let’s start the journey to walk into that future. It’s worth the journey.